Say “No” to Therapist Intimidation
By Pamela Garfield-Jaeger
You may already know by now that therapists regularly intimidate parents by leading them to believe that if they do not use their child’s chosen names and pronouns, their child will kill themselves. They ask (in front of the child), “Would you rather have a dead daughter or a living son?” Any parent who has trusted experts for their entire lives is going to hesitate at such a question. Of course, a loving parent is going to choose a living “son.” Therapists across the world are trained to say this, and most believe it in their hearts. The slogan “affirmative care is lifesaving care” has been etched in many minds.
This scene is re-enacted in the Epoch Times docudrama, “Gender Transformation: The Untold Realities”.
Gender Transformation: The Untold Realities (2023) Trailer | Epoch Original Documentary
If you are reading this, you likely know this is a lie, a manipulative tactic to scare parents into consenting to a pathway puberty blockers, cross-sex hormones, and surgeries. I personally attended a training by psychologist Dr. Shawn Giammattei who compared neglecting to choose puberty blockers with neglecting treatment for cancer. Dr. Giammetti also emphasized how “BIPOC” families may be less inclined to go along with the gender affirmation, so counselors should need be prepared to ignore cultural differences and emphasize the “dangers” of sticking to reality.
These messages remain widespread, despite the fact that the data allegedly supporting them has been quietly retracted. Many studies show a correlation with suicidality — which makes sense since youth who identify as transgender tend to have more mental health issues — but they fail to establish causation. Data for these studies is collected through widely used self-report surveys, such as one cited on the Trevor Project website. Such surveys often suffer from biases such as non-representative sampling, inaccurate or dishonest responses, and lack of verification. Even ACLU lawyer, Chase Strangio, acknowledged under oath in the recent Supreme Court case, United States v. Skrmetti, that people with gender dysphoria do not have higher suicide rates. In other words, none of this is real.
Pushing Back Against Emotional Manipulation
Those who are able to recognize truth, fact, and logic can see through the lies, but how do we face well-intentioned therapists who still believe these claims? If a parent meets a therapist who uses this approach, here are some suggested responses. These comebacks throw the responsibility back onto the therapist. They encourage critical thinking and show the therapist that you cannot be intimidated when they raise the specter of suicide.
The following bullet points based on the “Emotional Blackmail” chapter of my book, A Practical Response to Gender Distress: Tips and Tools for Families:
- “Can you please show me the data you are referencing?” If the therapist presents a study, examine it closely because it will likely be flawed, with small sample sizes, biased self-reported data, and no control group or solid conclusions, as no valid study supports this claim.
- “Did my child already threaten suicide? If she did, why was I not notified? If not, it sounds like you are introducing non-therapeutic ideas.”
- “If you believe she is severely unstable, we should be discussing a higher level of care, which you have not addressed. I find it difficult to trust your judgment now.”
- “Threatening suicide to influence someone to change their behavior is emotional manipulation. In fact, Marsha Linehan, the founder of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) and an expert on treating suicidal and self-harm behaviors, teaches skills for meeting needs appropriately without suicidal threat. (See the Interpersonal Effectiveness module of DBT.) You are using emotional blackmail on me, and I won’t tolerate that.”
- “Why isn’t therapy addressing my child’s other issues first?” Go on to name them: i.e., eating disorders, autism, trauma, peer difficulties, family issues, etc.
- “I chose not to lead my child on a path that would lead to sterilization, chronic pain, disability, and lifelong medical dependency. Your suggestion to do so is irresponsible.”
- “I will be filing a complaint and seeking a new therapist for my family.”
Holding Therapists to Account
Therapists need to be confronted and held accountable. In fact, the FTC (Federal Trade Commission) is leading an investigation into practitioners who have misled and harmed patients through gender medicine. You can file your complaints with supporting documents at Regulations.gov. The deadline is September 26, 2025.
It is time we stop letting anyone else manipulate us with their lies.
Pamela Garfield-Jaeger is a licensed clinical social worker. She completed her MSW in 1999 from New York University. She has a variety of experience in schools, group homes, hospitals and community-based organizations. Since getting fired for not getting the COVID vaccine, she has dedicated herself to educate parents and embolden other mental health professionals to challenge the ideological capture of her profession.
For more detailed information on how to empower yourself as a parent and navigate the mental health field, see the Parents’ Guide to Mental Health. Pamela is the author of A Practical Response to Gender Distress, a tool book for parents who do not want to affirm a false gender identity.
Now here! A cute rhyming children’s book about self-acceptance: Froggy Girl.
Photo by ali abiyar on Unsplash
Genspect publishes a variety of authors with different perspectives. Any opinions expressed in this article are the author’s and do not necessarily reflect Genspect’s official position. For more on Genspect, visit our FAQs.
Busting Myths and Empowering Parents
We hope you’ll join Genspect at the Bigger Picture Conference in Albuquerque, September 27-28, where Abigail Shrier and others will confront the problem of bad therapy and what to do about. Register now at genspect.org
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