Not Being Affirmed Saved My Life

I was five years old when I told my mother I was a “girl trapped in a boy’s body.” Some of my earliest memories are of talking to a therapist about why I felt that way. This was around the year 2000, long before there was much acceptance for men dressing or acting in a gender non-conforming way. Of course, the only reason I thought I was a girl was because I was drawn to “girl things.” Every article of clothing I wanted to put on was “girl clothes” and every toy I selected from the toy aisle was a “girl toy.” In my young mind I thought the explanation was simple: I must be a girl!

Looking back, I feel extremely fortunate that I was born in the late 90s before gender ideology became the widespread belief system it is today. Over time I grew up to realize I was a boy instead of being affirmed and encouraged to transition as a boy like me would be today.

When I was in elementary school, I began to see that boys and girls were encouraged to prefer blue and pink, respectively, not because these choices were innate, but because society had these expectations. The epiphany that everyone goes through life performing for other people, wearing what they are told to wear and behaving how they are told to behave made me feel a bit lonely, but it was also very freeing. I chose not to participate and to do whatever I felt was right for me. I went through the rest of my childhood and teenage years feeling secure in the parts of my personality some would consider feminine. For instance, I even went through a phase when I wore a full face of makeup on a regular basis. But I never again considered that any of this made me a girl. I understood then, as I do now, that there is no single correct way to be a man. Trends come and go, and I have seen how the fashion choices I was once bullied for became fashionable just a few years later.

In February of this year, the Free Press published an article about therapist Tamara Pietze’s experience of being forced to affirm children’s claims of gender dysphoria. While working at Mary Bridge Children’s Gender Health Clinic, Tamara and over 100 other therapists went through mandatory training on “gender affirming care” during which they were taught to diagnose gender dysphoria in young patients when they met six of the eight characteristics listed below:

1. A strong desire/insistence on being another gender

2. Strong preference for clothing typically associated with the opposite gender

3. Strong preference for toys and games typically associated with the opposite gender

4. Strong preference for playmates of the opposite gender

5. Strong preference for cross-gender roles during make believe play

6. Strong rejection of toys more typically associated with assigned gender

7. Strong dislike of one’s sexual anatomy

8. Strong desire for the secondary sex characteristics of the opposite gender

This article horrified me, as did the lack of a response it got from gay people and “LGBT activists.” I am a man, not a transgender woman, and yet I met six of the eight characteristics listed here when I was a child. In fact, I would guess around 90% of adult gay men would say those characteristics describe what they were like as a child. There’s evidence suggesting that the medical and mental health industries might be encouraging young gay kids to transition, yet this is barely discussed. The fear of being branded “transphobic” by someone online is so intense that it is silencing even those gay adults who know they might have been similarly misdiagnosed based on these traits.

The most common fear-mongering tactic used against anyone questioning the growing acceptance of minors transitioning is to tell them the child will commit suicide if they are not allowed to transition. This claim is debatable, and from my personal experience, I believe the only reason I did not end up committing suicide was my mother’s refusal to validate my delusions that I was a girl.

Had I socially transitioned as a child, taken puberty blockers as a pre-teen, and undergone permanent surgeries as a teenager, I would have ruined my life. I would have later realized the mistake, left with breasts, numerous side effects from puberty blockers, and possibly even a surgically created “vagina” requiring lifelong dilation to prevent closure.

Moreover, I would not be in the loving relationship I have enjoyed for the last four years, with my partner, a gay man who is not attracted to transgender women. Instead, I would be stuck as a life-long medical patient, dealing with emotional, physical, and financial burdens from continuous hormone treatments, surgeries, and doctor visits. This scenario would have driven me into deep depression and even suicide.

Originally, the term “transgender” was used to describe individuals with gender dysphoria who chose to medically transition to live as the opposite sex. However, radical left activists have since expanded its definition, turning it into a vague “umbrella term.” Beneath this broad umbrella, there is an endless list of other vague terms such as nonbinary, gender fluid, and agender. These labels are just a small part of the complex beliefs associated with gender ideology, which has spread through social media, universities, and politics over the last several years. It is no wonder so many children and young adults now believe they are trans or nonbinary, given they are told that if they not 100% stereotypically masculine or feminine, they are not really a man or a woman. Despite being promoted by so-called “progressives,” gender ideology is, in fact, blatantly sexist and homophobic. It reinforces gender stereotypes and potentially pathologizes same-sex attraction by suggesting that not fitting into traditional gender roles might mean you are not male or female.

As far as I am concerned, there are only two ways a person can think about gender:

· Option 1 holds that there are very strict roles and behaviors that men and women must conform to: Men must be stereotypically masculine, and women must be stereotypically feminine.

· Option 2 posits that there are infinite ways to be a man or a woman, and all are acceptable. Men can wear makeup and express their emotions; women can have short hair and exhibit “masculine” qualities.

If you subscribe to Option 1, your view is arguably sexist and regressive. However, if you align with Option 2, which most leftists claim to support, then the term “non-binary” becomes unnecessary. This is because, if there are infinite ways to express gender, one cannot “not feel like a man or a woman” since gender expression under this view is limitless.

I have watched with growing concern as lesbians I have known for years have begun identifying as trans men, proudly displaying their mastectomy scars on social media. Awkward, nerdy heterosexual men I have known, who have always struggled with romantic connections, are now coming out as “trans lesbians.” Flamboyant gay men, once seemingly secure in their sexuality, are now identifying as nonbinary or adopting other new gender labels, as if eager to distance themselves from being seen merely as feminine gay men.

In their “coming out” posts, there is a striking commonality: their reasons for not identifying with their biological sex often boil down to regressive stereotypes and clothing preferences. Women have spent decades trying to detach the concept of “woman” from sexist stereotypes, yet now, ironically, some so-called “progressive” women are claiming they are not women because they do not fit these very stereotypes.

Like many observing this social phenomenon, I have attempted to be understanding and respectful, all while privately questioning how so many could feel “born in the wrong body.” Though I suspect many might later regret their decision to medically transition, I believe adults should have autonomy over their bodies. However, I draw the line at allowing this potentially harmful ideology to influence children. Meanwhile, whenever, every few months is seems, a new “trans child” becomes an internet sensation, I think “that could have been me.”