An Ex-Cult Member On ‘Trans’
By Brian Wagner
My fascination — and I’ll admit, my obsession — with the transgender phenomenon began with a simple phrase that has become so commonplace most people no longer even notice it: “sex assigned at birth.” When I first heard it, I thought, ‘Where did that come from? What a strange thing to say.’ I had no idea that exploring the thought-system behind these words would awaken me to a disturbing truth about the modern queer community. Being an older gay man, I had always seen myself as a typical progressive liberal, comfortably part of that community and supportive of all things queer without much questioning. But as I began to unravel the thinking embedded in the phrase “sex assigned at birth,” everything changed. That phrase turned out to be a loose thread which, once pulled, exposed a tangle of inaccurate, distorted, and deceptive language designed to obscure reality — and once I saw it, alarm bells went off in me.
You see, I’m an ex–cult member — not of one, but of two cults. (Forgive me, I was young.) Through recovering from those experiences, I became acutely sensitive to how language is used and misused. In a cult, language serves to create buy-in and loyalty while simultaneously blocking the obvious from view, reshaping perception to fit the group’s version of reality. For example, one of the groups I belonged to insisted it wasn’t religious at all, claiming that everything it did was scientifically based. I accepted that narrative — and so did everyone around me. Looking back, I can’t see how it could not be religious. They held prayer ceremonies to a holy tradition and to various Hindu deities. The obviousness of this was lost on me, as it was on many others, hidden behind a smokescreen of manipulative language.
Cults load the language to convey their version of reality. Which brings me back to the phrase “sex assigned at birth”. This simple phrase implies that sex isn’t a stable reality. That it can somehow be bestowed on an individual by some authority (presumably the doctor) that “assigns” sex. It implies an arbitrariness to biology that is changeable. If sex is assigned at birth, it can be reassigned at some later date. If I don’t like being a boy, I can reassign myself to girlhood. My biological sex becomes a club that I can opt in or out of. This phrase denies the whole notion of biological reality.
In a cult, language is used to control and manage followers and deceive outsiders. The more words get defined and redefined away from their simple, original meaning, the more baffling and confusing the world seems to be. Messing with the language creates a web of mushy meaning where the rules of engagement are constantly changing. This creates a high level of confusion which is intentional. People become unsure of where they stand, what to say and how to say it. When this confusion is reinforced with social repercussions for saying the “wrong” thing, then control has been achieved. Thinking things through becomes too much of an effort. The cost of getting it wrong becomes too high. It just becomes easier to go along to get along.
Once this control has been achieved, then people are much more likely to accept the alternate reality that is being presented. Actually, not only are they more likely to accept it, they are more likely to promote and police it. By promoting and policing this alternate reality, you save yourself from the original confusion. It gives you a sense of solid footing on ground made of quicksand. Pointing out how others are getting it wrong confirms for you how you are getting it right, and this makes you feel safe and stable.
We see this play out quite obviously in the trans debate. Trans activists have barraged us with a plethora of new terms and new definitions and redefinitions. A woman is no longer an adult human female. It is any person who says they are. To be gay or lesbian is no longer same-sex attracted, but same-gendered attracted (tell that to my hormones). Affirming care is no longer empathically supporting someone’s exploration of their experience. It is now agreeing with them without challenge. Transwoman is no longer a man who identifies as a woman, but an actual woman, just different from a cis-woman (which is another problematic word). The list goes on, and everyone is so confused by it that acquiescence and submission is the default.
People laugh at the bizarre stuff that many cult members believe. Many wonder how they can believe such obviously stupid things. To know the answer, we need look no further than what is happening with the trans phenomenon. Somewhere along the way, all the major institutions of the western world came to believe that it is good medicine to stop puberty, which is one of the most critical times in human development, reroute it to a pseudo-puberty of unknown long-term consequences, and chop off and mutilate healthy body parts, all in an effort to help young trans-identifying people to appear like something they can never be.
The insanity of trans ideology is starkly apparent when you use language accurately with clear definitions. The power of the trans ideology lies in its subtle and not so subtle twisting of definitions to manage our perception of reality. Using accurate language exposes the lies that underpin this ideology. The reality that we, as humans, cannot change sex, cannot be born in the wrong body, and that sex is not assigned at birth but recognized, is not difficult to understand. But the mush of ideological language makes it so.
Leaving a cult is oftentimes a lonely business. You lose your community, your friends, your sense of purpose, and the idealized image you once held of yourself. It takes a long time to untangle the web of distorted thinking and discover who you really are. When I look at the young people who transitioned — so deeply misled about the basic reality of their own bodies — my heart breaks. As they grow older, many will realize that the concepts they were taught were, in fact, twisted. Sadly, their bodies will bear the scars of that twistedness and they will have to reckon with the reality that was always there — hidden beneath the tangle of deceptive language.
Bryan Wagner is a therapist in private practice in St. Louis who specializes in helping people recover from cult involvement and complex trauma. Drawing from his own experiences in and out of high-control groups, he brings empathy, clarity, and a deep understanding to his work. His work focuses on helping clients reclaim their autonomy and reconnect with reality in grounded, life-affirming ways.
Genspect publishes a variety of authors with different perspectives. Any opinions expressed in this article are the author’s and do not necessarily reflect Genspect’s official position. For more on Genspect, visit our FAQs.