How Gender Archetypes Inform Our Cultural Approaches to Sex and Gender

As a young straight woman who mistakenly thought I should ‘transition’ to live as a gay man because I didn’t feel I ‘fit in’ with what it meant to Be a Woman, I’ve taken it upon myself to research what that actually means, through psychology, and through philosophy. The more I’ve come to reflect on and learn about masculinity and femininity as archetypes and ancient dualities of human nature, the more I understand my past desires to transition, and the contemporary trans and nonbinary movement in particular. Here are my takeaways.

The Taoist symbol of the Yin/Yang encapsulates all energies of life; The Feminine, and The Masculine.

The Feminine essence, energy, and corresponding mammalian role, represents Chaos; the mysterious, unknown, fluctuating, fluid, changing, potential. We usually view Chaos as primarily negative, with unwanted changes, abrupt shifts, things we’re unprepared for, a never-ending supply of disasters and unforeseen consequences. This is logical, as we fear The Unknown, we fear our own potential, and we fear change, and even though it might be just what we need, we’re usually too comfortable or complacent, to welcome it.

Controversially, this energy is Feminine, and although its usually not favorable to label women was “unstable”, in a natural and biological way, this is true. Women are typicallymore unstable, emotionally, and physically. Their bodies are designed to be fluid to accommodate all the complexities and needs of childbirth. For women, puberty, menstruation, and menopause reflect these major shifts. The hormonal fluctuations each month for most of their lives means women are constantly cycling and adapting, effecting moods and states of consciousness. They are the nature of Chaos in the universe, the potential for Change.

Initially this seems to have a dark and negative connotation for women, and indeed, it is a heavy burden to bear that femininity is inherently chaotic and fluid. This is something all females have to live with, and it is the great downside to Being Woman. However, ultimately, Chaos is a neutral agent, for without the unknown, we would have very, very little. There would be no new life, and there would be nothing to strive for. Womanhood represents the concept of the deepest beauty of the world, the potential for new experiences, even if new experiences are often painful, confusing, and scary. The chaotic unknown is the source of much joy in life. Sudden positive changes, unexpected fruitful occurrences, new beginnings, our children; these great shifts can bring new opportunities, and new opportunities are how we grow, live, exist, thrive.

In equal opposition, there is Man. The Masculine energy is one of Order; stability, rule, law, the strict father figure we call “the patriarchy.” Masculinity signifies strength in the predictable, in discipline, reason, logic, rationality, tradition. It is the stabilizing force to Chaos. Masculine Order is what we know we will be structured and similar vs. unpredictable and different. This energy is sturdy, reliable, and we can build so much in our lives off and around it. Men are built for Stability.

Man exists to contain the chaos of Woman. Not in a manner of force, violence, or aggression, but through benevolence, reliability, logic, and discipline. A concept we used to commonly call “chivalry.” A man’s body stays relatively the same throughout his life, a man’s body is not fragile in its life-giving necessity for the accommodation of a child, but has the potential to be strong, protective, defensive, guarding that precious child. It isn’t to say that women are weak, undisciplined, irrational, or in need of guardianship like that of a child in some infantilized way, but rather that part of womanhood is inherently undisciplined because it must be adaptable to hormonal change. And women must protect not only themselves as autonomous creatures, but also their offspring.

Woman’s potential for childbirth must be contained in a helpful, orderly manner by man so that woman can gestate, produce, and raise a child in close to ideal circumstances. Woman is designed for fluidity, receptivity, adaptability, and often intense patience, nurture, and care, to fulfill her biological capacity. To fulfil his biological capacity, man must be protective, resourceful, stable, consistent, and structuring to her, for her, and in many ways, because of her, otherwise there would be truly nothing. No healthy change, no healthy stability. Women and Men must help each other.

Knowing these basic concepts of how men and women tend to behave is great, it seems like common sense, but humans have a tendency to have immense difficultly balancing anything in moderation, and perhaps most intricately, in balancing the concepts of Chaos and Order. One ultimate question is, When to Change, When to Stay the Same? Life is a constant redirection, the Buddhists conceptualize it as a continuous cycle of Life, Death, and Rebirth, and no matter how good we think we’re doing at balancing it, it’s never perfect, because it’s always one step forward, two steps back. The never-ending dance of Chaos and Order leaves us with 3 options for coping with Gender-based issues.

To Cope with Gender and Sex:

1.    Pick the extreme end of your gender and sex category and stay rigidly there for the sake of having a more simplistic and in some ways, easier time Being a Man or Being a Woman (Extreme Traditionalism, Conservativism)

2.    Opt Out of the concept of Being a Man or Being a Woman entirely by claiming a Non-Binary identity, or in other words, act as if biological sex and gender roles are meaningless, outdated, and malleable (Extreme Progressivism, a Contemporary Post-Modern Approach)

3.    Accept the pros and cons, limitations, and gifts in Being a Woman and Being a Man, and do your best to respect both nature’s roles, and your individual preferences (Moderate, ‘Old School Androgynous’ View, Pre-Queer Theory.)

In writing this, I am struck by the similarities between this realization of gender options and the options for existence itself laid out in Absurdist philosophy, of which I subscribe.

To Cope with Being and Existence:

1.    Believe in God or another religious or spiritual authority to defer Chaos and Order into the hands/judgement/control of

2.    Kill Yourself and opt out of the cycle of life, death, and rebirth in a nihilistic effort

3.    Radically Accept the absurd realities of Chaos and Order coexisting, perpetually, and create your own personal meaning for your existence.

Perhaps these are 3 universal options for any situation; an expansion of our most primitive Fight vs. Flight responses, only with the addition of Reason and ability to Observe first, and Act later, due to evolution of human progress and privilege (the Threat is boredom and existential dread, not a literal lion.) Yet as with everyone’s nervous systems, we all tend to respond instinctually discretely, so it’s no wonder why we have so many suicides, so many faithful, so many non-binary people, so many traditionalists, and so much confusion.

Zooming back in to gender roles, let’s break down the consequences for each of the 3 responses to Gender Role Confusion/Gender Dysphoria/Gender Ambivalence  

Traditional Gender Role Option:

In this situation, we get the pro of having more structure, stability, order, and routine. Society runs more smoothly because expectations for each sex are rigid and tightly socially monitored and controlled. Men act “Like Men Should” and women act “Like Women Should.” Ideally, men and women both respect their biological strengths and weaknesses, and work together to help each other create a healthy and successful partnership in domestic life, and in broader society.

Men and women stick to their assigned functions determined in part by biological attributes and sex-differentiated personalities, and are discouraged or forbidden to engage in opposite-sex or oppositely-gendered roles. Here’s where we encounter the classic “boys shouldn’t play with dolls, girls shouldn’t play rough” situations, with limitations so strict upon the sexes that issues of freedom, equality, and expression arise in numerous areas. It can be summarized like this: The more Order you maintain, the less room there is for Chaos to fluctuate. As we’ve discussed, we need both to operate as our ideal human selves and make the most of the world.

In this sort of culture, we may experience the reality of the Toxic Patriarchal Male, the man who uses his masculine purpose and potential ineffectively through domination, subjugation, rape, and true misogyny. This is an extreme of man’s function, and it doesn’t work well, especially for women and children, who are second-class citizens, and who live in fear and genuine suppression. Throughout history we have seen many examples of varying degrees of this sort of culture, which is why to compensate for that unruly male nature, we have recently become obsessed with feminization of culture.

Fluid Gender Identity Option:

Western culture has attempted to shift from patriarchal to matriarchal in many regards, with an emphasis on femininity, women’s equality, and prioritizing female over male. As with Chaos and Order, it’s always one step forward, two steps back, the constant readjustment. Unfortunately, our well-intentioned and in many ways, successful efforts to compensate for Toxic Masculine Forces have resulted in Toxic Feminine Forces, and it is also not good for women, men, or children. A toxic feminine culture means too much Chaos, not enough Order. With toxic masculinity, there is either too much Order and conservatism, or violent authority.

Toxic femininity means a culture that is boundarylessness, emotionally dysregulated, over-sensitive, and without room for positive masculine energy or order. It can be summarized like this; the more Chaos you allow, the less room there is for Order to be maintain structure. Again, we need a balance of both. Feminism has helped women succeed in many ways, but we also need to appraise how changes to gender and culture have negatively affected women, men, and children, with a post-modernist loosening of boundaries and structures, and an influx of Chaos.

“Too Much Chaos” is how I would describe the Transgender and Nonbinary movements. Although people turn to transition for a multitude of reasons, a universal factor for transition is the desire to change oneself. “Trans” means “to cross over” so “transgender” means “to cross over genders.” In the more traditional gender role past, this meant socially and medically altering oneself so that an androgynous woman or man could adhere to the opposite sexes’ gender roles. This was typically reserved for men and women so androgynous in personality that they felt it would be easier to move closer to one side or the other, even through medical interventions. This is a result of the limitations that Overly-Orderly cultures create when girls and boys are not allowed a fuller range of experiences and personality types.

We now see transgenderism and non-binaryism as an enormous pop culture movement determined to allow for that range of experiences and behaviors for sex-atypical boys and girls, but it’s making a lot of foolish and detrimental mistakes in its methods due to the nihilism infused in post-modernist queer theory. 

In an obsession with change and fluidity (Chaos), many have forgotten about the necessity of structure and grounding (Order.) Therefore, some have forgotten about the necessity for healthy masculine expression and behavior, as well as healthy feminine expression and behavior.

Well, what is “healthy” masculine behavior, and “healthy” feminine behavior?

When breaking down any unhealthy behavior, the line is drawn at the point where the behavior is causing more harm than benefit to the individual, and their surroundings. Logically, the only method to discern if something is beneficial or harmful, is to first have awareness, and acceptance of reality. If one does not accept certain features of their reality, they cannot determine a rational judgement on if it is helpful or harmful, and they certainly cannot change it one way or the other.

Due to the demand for gender fluidity and the destruction of all traditional gender roles and their implications, we have lost some of what is actually healthy or unhealthy masculine or feminine behavior, because our structures for what a man and woman are, can, and cannot do, are warped by the idealistic illusion that biological sex differences do not matter significantly, or are relevant at all. In an attempt to curb toxic male behavior, we have demonized all masculinity, unfortunately punished prosocial masculine strengths, like men acting as primary providers, and failing to have awareness of actual male predators. The same goes for femininity, as in our attempts to normalize women in wider society, and promoting female strengths, we have punished many prosocial female strengths, like being a stay-at-home mother, for example, and failed to have awareness of actual female predators. We have confused men and women both by foolishly telling everyone that they can be any way they like, and devaluing natural characteristics of men and women which have allowed them to flourish in particular roles for thousands of years.

One could exemplify that the toxic female extreme is borderline personality disorder while the toxic male extreme is antisocial personality disorder. Borderline traits are the female extreme because it is nothing but Chaos, dysregulation of emotions, dissolution of boundaries, order, logic, reason. It is emotionally abusive and irrational, histrionic. Antisocial traits are the male extreme because it is violence, apathy, destruction, callousness, control, power, lack of empathy. Obviously, we don’t want a culture of either of these extremes. We don’t want a culture too masculine, or toxically masculine, or a culture too feminine, or toxically feminine.

We need a balance of men and women relishing in their bodily strengths, using them to their advantage, respecting their unique personalities in how they fit into their physical bodies, and accepting the reality that there are limitations to what we can do, but that these limitations also provide boundaries and structures for how we can become the best versions of ourselves.

So, what do men and women need to do to live in harmony within their sexed bodies and the gendered norms of culture?

We need both men and women to do a few things:

1.    Accept the reality of their bodies and structures.

2.    Accept the traits and tendencies of their masculine or feminine personalities.

3.    Practice and learn how to act with respect for self and others.

4.    Learn to integrate elements of chaos and order. For women, often regulating emotions, bringing more boundaries and assertiveness into their lives. For men, regulating their physicality, urges for violence, loosening their overly rigid boundaries and being more attuned emotionally.

5.    Having a balance of masculine and feminine relationships in their lives. Cultivating positive relationships of all sorts with both sexes, not just having 1 (romantic) relationship with the opposite sex with all other energy being of the same sex.

6.    Having a healthy relationship or finding peace with one’s same and opposite sexed parent.

7.    Finding pride and joy in one’s sexed gifts. Cultivating one’s strengths or assets, not denying or being ashamed of their power even if they are sexed. For women, finding pride and joy in the potential for motherhood or being a mother, caregiver figure, nurturing, sensitive, etc. For men, finding pride and joy in being physically powerful, the potential for fatherhood, leadership, being a paternal figure.

8.    Not allowing toxic figures of either sex to be unregulated—standing up to all forms of toxicity even if they are your same-sex group.

9.    Respecting and having boundaries on their sexualities. Urges, fears, traumas, fantasies, etc.

10. Celebrating both masculine and feminine characters, stories, traits, styles, achievements, etc.

11. Leaving space for androgynous people-masculine women, feminine men.

What helped me in practicing all the things on this list was to start accepting the reality of my body and female structures, and general traits which came with it. Although my personality is not hyper feminine, I still was markedly feminine, I still was female, and somehow, I still received the message that I couldn’t find a place in society or be at peace with myself being an androgynous female. I also received the extremely toxic message that if I wasn’t adhering to gender norms or stereotypes enough, I was NOT a woman, or SHOULD BE a man.

Along with that, the post-modernist concept that I could in fact be anything I wanted to be, that biological sex didn’t matter, that all gender norms, stereotypes, and any traditional femininity or masculinity was not only wrong and stupid, but that I could choose to opt out of it entirely by being non-binary, not having any gender or sex, or being “just human”(what seems profound but can also be a lazy way to pretend sexed realities and functions don’t exist because they are too difficult to manage) conditioned me to reject traditional wisdoms that I have now integrated into my life as both an individual, but also existential being. Lumping all traditional sex and gender roles into an outdated box of “patriarchal oppression” did me no favors, and neither did popular culture telling me, and countless other young women and men that if dealing with biological sex and gender roles are difficult, we can just opt out or play pretend, and that everyone needs to go along with it.

Perhaps so many of us are going along with it still because we too feel ragged with the burdens of our bodies, sexualities, and societal expectation that can never fully reach equilibrium. But as with existence itself, all we can do is make our best efforts to balance what we can, to carefully explore both chaos and order, both feminine and masculine, and truly, all dualities, and the spectrums they lie on for our contemplation. Like the Taoist symbol of the Yin/Yang, life is not black and white, there is a little white within black, and a little black within white, and western cultural approaches to traditional vs. progressive gender norms should reflect this too.

Laura Becker is a Wisconsin based artist, writer, and musician. She would like to thank Jordan Peterson for imparting many of these concepts through his lectures and books so that she could digest and apply them to her experiences as a de-transitioned woman and observer of widespread cultural disillusionment around sex and gender roles in postmodern society.