The Truth About Detransition

By Stella O'Malley

Until now, the detransitioner experience has largely been ignored – even though the best way for clinicians to improve their work in this field is by listening to detransitioners’ stories. That’s why Genspect is hosting a webinar where detransitioners will share their own experiences, in their own words. The webinar will be held on Saturday March 12th at 8pm GMT, to accommodate as many people as possible from Australia and New Zealand, Europe, and North America.

The grass, as they say, is always greener. Or, as e.e. cummings put it, “listen: there’s a hell of a good universe next door; let’s go.” And in many ways, the desire to transition is the most comprehensive pursuit of escape that has ever been offered to any human.

Think back to a time when you were filled with uncertainty and self-loathing. How thrilled would you have been to discover that you could become someone else? For a young person wracked with tension and distress, little could be more alluring than the chance to become a member of the opposite sex, with a different body, a different voice and mannerisms, a different name, identity and pronouns – and not only that, but a rule that nobody is allowed to even mention your previous, hated self. Transition today comes with the added bonus of a collective collusion that you were never really the person you were. Your new identity is your “real self.”

How devastating would it have been to find out subsequently that you had been sold a lie? You can’t become a different person; you can only attempt to. Sadly, try as we might, we can never leave ourselves behind, no matter how eagerly we leap towards drastic notions of reinvention of the self. Our only options are to learn to live with our flawed selves, or to continue to try to escape from the reality of our lives. And it is profoundly inappropriate for professionals – who should live by the rule to “first, do no harm” – to deny this most fundamental of truths. Many young people today are having to come to terms with this failure of the healthcare industry, and the lifelong medical complications with which they will have to live as a consequence.

Yet we believe that our webinar on detransition is a chance to push back. We are committed to giving detransitioners an opportunity to explore the many issues that arise when a vulnerable individual hears that he or she can become a totally different person, and to sharing these testimonies with a wider public.

This webinar will begin with Helena Kerschner (@lacroicsz) speaking about “Trans, Tumblr and fandom”. Anyone who has read Helena’s new Substack article, or listened to her on the “Gender: A Wider Lens” podcast, will be well aware that Helena has a special talent for entering into the mind of the teenage girl with ROGD (Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria). Helena remembers what it was like to be a lonely, mixed up, misunderstood kid. She is profoundly insightful when she describes how she initially came to become interested in all things trans, and then become obsessed with medical transition – until, finally, her disillusionment led her to begin the long and arduous process of self-acceptance.

We at Genspect believe that clinicians, educators, parents and young people alike will benefit from a more honest conversation about the process of medical transition, stripped of false promises and glib assertions. To this end, the panel discussion which follows Helena’s talk – entitled “Detrans 101: What you need to know” – will share the thoughts of a diverse group of intelligent people who have been to the furthest reaches of medical transition, only to realise that it didn’t deliver on the promise of a new identity.

The links between autism and gender dysphoria have often been noted. For example, one study showed that 48% of the young people seeking medical transition at the largest gender clinic in the world (GIDS at the UK’s Tavistock and Portman Trust) had received an autism spectrum diagnosis. We are proud to be dedicating a special segment to this issue, with @nervewrvcking’s presentation on “The Autism Angle.” This talk will specifically address how people with autism often have certain characteristics that will lead them to seek transition – and help “the adults in the room” to provide more appropriate treatment to autistic youths who experience distress about their gender identity.

Another issue that needs attention is the difficulty society has in creating space for butch lesbians. The lovely @SourPatches2077 – who, for the record, is anything but sour! – will give us insight into “Butch lesbians and transgender identities.” The heavy emphasis on gender conformity seems to weigh particularly heavily on some people. Yet a little girl’s preference for dressing and behaving like a boy – or a little boy’s desire to run around in dresses and fairy crowns – should not be taken as evidence of a need to medicalise children’s identities. We want to spread the word about the experiences of gender non-conforming people, in the hope that the eventual fallout from the trans phenomenon will create a world where butch lesbians have a significant and respected place in society.

While the feminist community is noted for its ability to welcome female detransitioners, there is no equivalent movement for male detransitioners – and, perhaps because of this, there are fewer accounts of male detransition. We are thrilled that a young male detransitioner’s experience will be shared in a talk called “Feminine, not female,” to be followed by a panel discussion on how things are “Different for boys.”

These days, many unhappy people are led to believe that medical transition is easy. It’s not. The challenges associated with this process are difficult both psychologically and physically, and can worsen, not alleviate, as the years pass. If healthy, functioning adults were given accurate information about the extremely heavy burden that medicalisation puts on the body, it is reasonable to suppose that far fewer people would want to transition. @somenuancepls is going to focus on this very issue, in her talk entitled “When the medical profession fails you.” Clinicians, mental health professionals and policy-makers will perhaps benefit the most from this talk, which will provide a fantastic opportunity to learn from collective failures and avoid future mistakes.

The inimitable @ImWatson91 often gives sage words of advice on Twitter. That’s why we’re delighted that her contribution – entitled “You are not broken!” – will provide heart for detransitioners and those who are lost in transition. The panel discussion following this will focus further on practicalities, as the panellists discuss “Where do we go now?”, and then answer audience members’ questions in a special Q&A session. The event will finish with a conversation between Stella O’Malley and special guest Keira Bell, focusing on “What detransitioners need.”

Genspect’s webinar on detransitioners will be far from a downbeat affair. We want to focus on what is being missed, so that people can be better served in the future. Many clinicians, educators, policy-makers, parents and young people have already signed up for this event: we hope you will show your support by signing up too.

Stella O’Malley is a psychotherapist and the founder and director of Genspect. The Genspect webinar on detransition will be held on Saturday March 12th, at 8pm GMT. We are charging a fee of €25 for this event: however, detransitioners, desisters and those in financial difficulty can receive a free ticket by emailing info@genspect.org.